Those who are bold enough to ask questions here at the @ are rewarded with my attempt at an answer, most of the time. If said commenter is a family member then their inquiries take top priority to me. It’s just the way I roll. Yesterday on the “Who and Whose” post, my sister, a fellow mother on this rocky path of parenthood, asked a question:

As you can see I replied with a quip and a promise. Standing by my avoidance of the idea of the possibility of attaining the elusive balance I will speak of the instilling of character in our kids.

A familiar list proclaims the traits that we are encouraged to let grow in our lives: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance.

Let’s look at that meekness bit. A good definition I have heard is: strength under control. That is fine and well. Adding on to that thought I might add that meekness is humble confidence. A meek person knows where and from whom the strength in their life emanates. They are confident in the identity that God has placed in them as a unique being. They add to that confidence and strength the beautiful humility drawn out of a life placed in the hands of the God of love, grace, acceptance and hope.

That answers what we are working into our existence. The question is how do we do it.You know I love lists! Take what you want, leave the rest and add on some practical ideas in the comment section if you wish. I welcome the creative collaboration in the parenting of our children.

1. Model it.
2. Speak of it.
3. Praise it in others.
4. Praise it in the child.
5. Read of it.
6. Show it in picture books.
7. Know what your child does well.
8. Provide outlets for them to do what they do well.
9. Praise what they do well.
10. Know what your child does not do well.
11. Speak with them about what they do not do well.
12. Help them find ways to overcome deficiencies by trusting other people.
13. Help them to see the strengths in other people.
14. Help them to praise the strengths in other people.
15. Let them express creatively their appreciation for others: drawings, writing, phone calls, sharing gifts, genuine smiles and thanks.
16. Introduce please and thank you into your daily vocabulary.
17. Thank the child, sincerely.
18. Let them see you making other people important.
19. Hang their art in your home.
20. Pray together with them confident and humble prayers.

Those are the first few that came to mind. Please do not take this as gospel. Each parent has their own journey to walk. Trust that the Lord is alongside you as you love your kids. May the God of peace be with you all.

“Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called sons of God.” Matthew 5:9

Peacemakers are intentional. Today’s tip is a subtle yet effective way to carry peace like a provocative fragrance with you:

Be peaceful.

Simple, yes? Maybe the concept is simple, the application might take some soul searching in the areas of trust, faith and what you believe to be true. When you are at peace this brings peace to any situation you encounter.

Right out of high school I was a paraprofessional in a public school helping with a reading program. I would sit in the hall and tutor kids at a little table. My spot was between the four first grade classes in the school. Three of the teachers could be heard throughout the whole day from one end of the hall to the other. They were relatively young and their students ran them over. The fourth teacher, a small white haired woman who had taught first grade for decades, had the quietest classroom in the whole school. The age of her kids and the number of kids in her class was the same as all the other first grade rooms. The only difference was her demeanor. From the first day she commanded order with a calm quiet voice. The children were obliged to quiet down to be able to hear her. She moved purposefully with kindness and grace; the kids followed her example. My, did they ever love her! She respected them by excepting them to behave. This raised their confidence in their own abilities to do as she wished. It really was a beautiful thing to watch.

This applies to interactions with other humans of any age or stage in life. When we are calm, peaceful and respectful this provokes in our company a desire to follow along. This is what it means to be a peacemaker.

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1

Monkey see, monkey do.

Rephrasing a quote:

“Everyone needs a garden to tend.”

The context refers to the necessity we have as humans to care for living things apart from tending to only our own personal needs. The absence of giving life creates discontent and disequilibrium.

I write this post after spending the morning in bed with tummy yuckies. I am feeling betterish enough to be at my desk. This is only because I have a cute little hand-carved, wooden bowl that sits in the palm of my hand with a bunch of fresh cut orange wedges nestled in nicely. Sniffing this dish is refreshing and makes me think that I might be able to accomplish something today.

The nasal memory is the strongest so it also reminded me of an Oprah show I watched once. She took us into her kitchen and showed us the huge bowl of fresh citrus she keeps on the island. What a simple way to surround yourself with natural beauty. Thinking of that reminded me of the quote above.

We started with dry beans to grow these bean plants

Whether it is a live plant on the desk in your cubicle or a little goldfish bowl in your apartment we all need to care for another life. This practice calls back to the ancient Garden when the first God-like beings were told to tend all that lived there. Even after they were relocated the act of tilling the ground and giving birth were still part of their mandated activities.

What life are you caring for?

Right now I am feeling a bit kitchenish so I wanted to mention a few quick things that make my kitchen time a bit more pleasant.

#27 Light the match before you turn on the gas

#28 A bit of egg shell that falls into the egg-goo can be fished out with the edge of the eggshell that is still intact

#29 Speaking of eggs, should an egg explode anywhere outside of the bowl onto a hard surface sprinkle a layer of salt over it and let it harden, clean up is much neater and not so gooey

#30 Play music that matches the meal you are making or the mood that you are in

#31 Enjoy the process by singing out loud and dancing as you cook

#32 To avoid finger-licking and pre-meal-over-munching get a small snack of fresh fruits or veggies ready before you make anything else so that you have a healthy snack at your finger tips when the munchies strike

#33 Never underestimate the power of overnight soaking for those hard to get off chunks and chars (Why do now what can be put off for another time, said the master procrastinator)

#34 When baking casseroles, lasagnas or other main dishes in the oven line the pan with foil before putting the food in for easy after meal clean-up

#35 Funnerize boring dishes with a unique or different presentation. (Kids especially like to eat food that they can imagine talking to them – think: faces)

#36 Every good kitchen has a plethora of cutting boards

#37 Keep a small bag or small Styrofoam meat tray on the counter top from the time you start preparing your food until dish-duty for catching rubbish and scraps to avoid opening the stinky smelly trash can as much as possible and make one clean dump of all the garbage all at once when everything is said and done

More Tuesday Tips can be found by clicking the nifty-neat-o logo button right here:

For an added bonus you can watch a vlog I did about my kitchen adventures here: Cooking with Gas.

As a child I explored my nurturing side through the acquisition of a few doomed pets. One conclusion was reached after a few furry friends came and went in my life: I am not an animal person. I respect those who love the little beasts who share this planet. I believe nature and all it’s inhabitants should be preserved and not abused. God’s creation inspires awe and reverence in me. Animals are good. Having said all that, I am still not too keen on myself being the one to care for said fauna.

So, why was I scooping guinea pig poo this morning when I was still in my jammies and leopard print robe? That is a great question. I was cleaning the cage of our two little guinea pigs along with my very willing daughters for one sole reason (besides the removal of the stench and ugliness of the filth). My motive is: Heritage.

The formation of heritage is a purposeful reinforcement of customs, behaviors and traditions in the lives of the generation that follows us. This spans the spectrum from things with deep meaning such as instruction in the scriptures to things that would appear to be irrelevant such as the keeping of pets. I believe that every attention paid to the implementation of heritage in our families is not wasted effort. The list of benefits is extensive.

The proof came this morning when my youngest daughter said to me, “When I am grown up I am going to get my kids a guinea pig to care for. It will be good for them.” Yes! My chest swelled with pride as I remembered begrudgingly cleaning the cages of my childhood rodents, Pinky and Speedy. Now, together, the three of us were reestablishing the pillars of our heritage as we went through the motions of removing the acidic urine and soiled news papers. We were being strengthened in: cooperation, care for nature, cheerfulness in the face adversity, respect, good workmanship, follow through, kindness, and the joy that comes from a job well done.

I am grateful that my parents created moments that these character traits could be formed in me. I am doubly grateful for the opportunity to orchestrate interactions in which these same character traits are ingrained in the heritage of my own kids.

P.S. Other pets I had were identical cats who I named Simon and Simon as well as some hamsters whose names have, sadly, been forgotten. We also had other animals in our home growing up like the huge family of mice we raised to feed our snakes. Now that was interesting. There were fish, too. My family will have to fill in the blanks beyond that; those are all the ones that come to mind at the moment.

Feel free to share points of heritage that you have continued down through the generations.

When I was a teenager I tested my limits. C’mon, you can’t tell me you didn’t do the same. It was kinda fun getting in trouble a bit after being a Little Miss Goody Two Shoes for most of my childhood. (Maybe my parents would not say that I was all that angelic, but I at least felt like I was.) Minor infractions and mischief were all I let myself get away with. A lie here, a broken curfew there, a nasty face with a matching attitude thrown in to spice it up and the once in a life time food throwing incident are pretty much all that show up on my record.

I bring all this up because I remember one rebellious scuffle I had with my mom pertinent to today’s topic.

The nest becoming uncomfortable I was making choices to just go and do my own thing without letting anyone know what I was up to. Having a car at my disposal had gone to my head. One day my mother sat me down. She began to explain to me that she wanted me to ask before I just took off somewhere. Her reasons were valid and laid out very calmly. She explained that I was the oldest. They needed help getting the younger ones form here to there. They were concerned for me and needed to know where I was in case something happened. This is all before every kid from 4 years old on up had a cell phone. They also wanted to know where I was so they could get a hold of me if they needed to.

Her words were muffled. My head was hot and stuck on the word: ask. Ask? As if I had to have permission? Puh-leeze! She said her piece and then I let ‘er rip. Why did I have to have permission? Didn’t you trust me? What, am I a little kid or something? (I was a kid still. What was I thinking?) After I had it out she said something that has stuck with me, “It is not that we want to say no to you. You know that if there is not a good reason to say no then we will always say yes. We are a family, and family members are considerate of one another.”

Somehow that made it click. I can’t remember how the conversation ended. I probably should have apologized. I probably didn’t. Sorry, mom! I do know that when it was over I took myself to my room and pulled out some 3×5 cards. In clear letters on about a dozen of those cards I wrote one word: ASK. Then I got some of that gooey stuff that was holding up the posters all over my walls and I began to post the cards around my room. One in my closet. One on my dresser. One on my mirror. And so forth. They all reminded me of my mom’s gentle plea to ask.

A.S.K.

This only works in English. Have you ever noticed the progression in this verse?

(Matthew 7:7)

Ask, and it shall be given unto you;

seek, and ye shall find;

knock, and it shall be opened unto you.

Ask

Seek

Knock

It’s a TWA (three word acronym)! We have: LOL, BRB, TMI, and BFF. Now we have:  ASK, as well.

As we go about with our lives how often do we stop to do these things? Why the distance between us and God? Could it be that we have an adolescent attitude when it comes to our relationship with our Heavenly Father? Might we fear that he does not ‘trust us’? Might we find some kind of pleasure in getting away with things?

It could be that God is waiting for us to come to Him, not because he wants to shoot us down and laugh at us. Rather, He wants to give us the go ahead after we receive His wisdom, His way and His empowerment.

We ask and He says, “Yes,” when it is in our best interest. Then He shows us the best way to be successful at what we are about to endeavor. (Jeremiah 33:3, Joshua 1:8, Proverbs 16:3)

We seek Him and He allows Himself to be found. His way is made clear to us. We are set on a path dripping with goodness.  (Psalm 65:11, Psalm 25,  Isaiah 30:21)

We knock at His door and we find a treasure trove of goodness and mercy. He enables us to win. He gives us the means by which we might be blessed to be a blessing. (Psalm 23:6, Ephesians 1:3, 2 Peter 1:2-4)

That is God’s nature. He is not out to get us. He is not looking to clip our wings so that we cannot fly. He wants us to soar on the wings of His freedom. What are we waiting  for?

It is an issue of trust, humility and love. Do we really trust God? Are we humble enough to follow His path? Do we really believe that He loves us?

God, for today, I want to learn how to ask. Help me to trust you. I know you want the best for me. Help me to take a breath and find out what you think about what is going on in my life. I don’t want to just run off like a hot headed teenager. I really do want you involved in every bit if my life. Would you please help me, today, Lord? Amen.

Breathe.

Live.

Love.

Most of the time we are trying to conquer the dirt and filth in the house with long hours of cleaning and scrubbing. My tip for you today is: keep dirt in the house.

I am talking about planting soil. Providing the materials for the people in your house to garden is a healthy practice. Here you will find a simple list of things to use for gardening or potting. Also, I have included the reasons why I think getting dirt under the fingernails is a good idea.

Stuff to keep on hand:

• Planting soil
• Small pots with holes in the bottom and plates
• Old spoons or small shovels
• Seeds (can be purchased or taken from the foods around the house)

We started with dry beans to grow these bean plants

Why get dirt under the fingernails:

1. Helps you be more aware of the environment
2. Helps you appreciate the food you eat
3. Helps you understand many biblical principals
4. Connects you to a long term project thus developing commitment
5. It is very rewarding to care for something
6. Cultivates faith to see the miracle of growth right before your eyes
7. “God made dirt and dirt don’t hurt.”

You have heard the famous Beatitudes list, right? Blessed are the ‘so-and-so’ for they shall be ‘such-and-such’, etc., etc., etc. It’s a great list. You should check it out some time, Matthew chapter five.

Well, once I heard an addition to the list that has forever remained part of my Beatitudes.

“Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.”

That is so true, isn’t it? When we are flexible it is hard to become irritated, flustered or hopping mad about something that didn’t go just exactly the way we’d hoped it would go.

Once we invited friends over for dinner. Christmas dinner. I had the menu planned for this fancy chicken dish and beautiful sides. Out of town guests deserve the best, don’t they? So I popped the birds in the oven and went about getting everything else ready. The friends arrived. The kids were playing together nicely. I told them dinner would be ready in 10 minutes. I went in the kitchen to check on everything. Opening the oven, low and behold, cold. Cold, I tell you! In the middle of cooking the gas tank had run out. What were we to do now? I discreetly called for my husband. We looked at each other. He saw the pre-panic signs on my face and said calmly. “It’s ok.” He then went into hunter mode, told his buddy they were going to fetch dinner and left the house. A half an hour later they were back with stacks of greasy goodness. It wasn’t the chicken dinner I had planned, but that is ok. We still ate, and that was the point.

Here is a list of ideas for keeping it loose:

1. Let God be perfect and you stay human.
2. Adjust your expectations.
3. Look for solutions not problems.
4. Be a peacemaker, not a panicmaker.
5. Two heads are better than one. Get help.

When it is all over with, thank God for the opportunity to grow in some kind of important character quality. You know the ones I am talking about. That rough bit of your soul that you avoid so skillfully. This might be God’s sand paper smoothing you out. I’ll be honest. Sometimes it has felt like he has pulled out the industrial strength power sander machine and just let ‘er rip rather than just a cute little rub from a tiny piece of sand paper. In the end, I was glad. In the end, I grew.

What flexibility story do you have?

Have you ever intentionally had a respectable conversation with a child? It is one of my favorite things. Here are some pointers I have found to be helpful in delightful conversation with children.

• Be yourself. Kids can spot a fake a mile away. Authenticity will open them up.
• Ask open ended questions about their life. Avoid questions that could be answered with a yes or a no.
• Seek out their opinion about something. Let them help you make a choice no matter how simple.
• Involve yourself in what they are doing. Pulling them away from whatever activity they are doing puts them on their guard.
• Touching is a touchy topic. Some kids don’t like to be touched. Take your cues from them. Let them be the initiators. You can reciprocate with a toned down version of their initiative.
• Baby talk is for babies. Do not condescend.
• Use their name. It is the sweetest sound in the world.
• Humor is a funny thing. Put downs don’t work. Sarcasm is ify. Even nicknames are thin ice. Jokes of the riddle type and physical humor are good ways to get a laugh in.
• Listen. You won’t be disappointed.

super baby, gabby girl, wonder kid and smoochy face