Conversations with familiar friends is one of the ways that God gets through to me. Heart to heart and face to face sharing is unmatched heavenly glory here on earth.

One such conversation has been on repeat in my soul for a few days now. Point blank I revealed to my friend a startling fear that had come upon me. She understood. She did not condemn nor belittle the reality of my worry. She did not validate it either. She simply spoke truth to it, to me. I am so grateful for her. I am so grateful for the truth that God has placed in her which she was able to minister to me.

The fear? Irrelevant.

The truth? Timeless.

This is the gist:

“I want my children to know: who they are and Whose they are.”

Yes! That is exactly what I needed to hear!

Who…

This calls to the verse about train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. “In the way he should go” refers to “the natural bend”. As I see my children lean towards their specific talents, gifts, abilities, passions and the like I can enable them to explore these aspects of their personalities, thereby helping them to find out who they are. We can foster an environment of confidence and freedom thus boosting self-esteem and celebrating diversity in the uniqueness of all humanity.

Whose…

A high self-esteem bolstered and flourishing can quickly rot to high-minded, slippery-slope pride when not treated with humility under the hand of our Maker. Humble humans who know Whose they are will not seek to separate themselves, rather they will find refuge in the One who can help. They also choose to see others through the eyes of Whose they are, which can only lead to a better society when we know that those are eyes of love, acceptance and hope.

Who and Whose. This is one of those non-negotiables that I am going to instill in my kids’ lives:

1. Learn to love.

2. Love to learn.

3. As parents we will make mistakes. You are welcome.

and now 4. Know who you are and Whose you are.

Considering that 80s and 90s music is now played on the oldies radio stations, and those songs bring back memories of my teenage years, I fear I am in grave danger of dating myself with the pop-culture reference I am about to use.

Does anyone remember the T.V. show “Mork and Mindy”? Robin Williams cut his comedy teeth on this series about an alien that is kicked off of his planet and takes up residence with a young single gal here on earth. The episodes revolved around Mork, the alien, trying to learn how to live on earth. I really don’t remember much aside from the fact Mork came out of a man-sized egg and I always found his seemingly juvenile antics hilarious.

I feel like I am raising a Mork-like creature. She didn’t arrive in an egg, but she operates from the reasoning of a different world than I do. We have known her for about 2 months now and she has been in our home for less than that amount of time. She is curious and a fast learner. At times, though, it is mind-boggling how independent she is.

Mork came to the earth walking, talking and dressing himself; albeit he put his clothes on backwards but at least he put them on. This little girl came to me walking, talking, dressing herself, feeding herself and even potty trained. I have nothing to complain about. She is intelligent, expressive, endearing and healthy.

I just find myself staring at her sometimes thinking that we have welcomed this alien creature into our home. She is trying desperately to fit in; while doing a most incredible job, I might add. Still, the Spanish is foreign, yet right here in my home. I find the mannerisms and attitudes to be vaguely familiar, before always at an arms length, now a part of my family. Even her scent is different. Not to mention the games, her food preferences and survival techniques.

Like Mindy on the show I am, most of the time, welcoming and accepting. At other times she was exasperated and frustrated at the tedious behavior of this new being that intruded her life. I can relate. The comedy comes when I have to cock my head to the side as I watch her do something and I try to introduce her to a new method. In the end the two found a way to make things work and the audience got a few laughs out of it. We are finding a way to make it work here as well.

I think back to when my other four had been with me for a mere two months. They were squishy, didn’t speak my heart language yet, and were very much like an alien to me.

The difference is that they had grown within my belly for nine months. We were in constant, palpable contact the whole incubation period. I held them with my body before they were laid in my arms. They grew in me before they grew on me.

I am sure that with the passage of time this new little alien will grow on me too. There has been something daily that has shocked me. Getting to know her has not been gradual in the least. It has been like inviting a full grown alien into my home and learning to love it with my whole heart.

Like I tell my kids all the time, love is a choice. I truly do love my Kaitlynn with all my heart. I am just waiting for the feelings to come. In the meantime I look for the humor in the day to day.

Can I get a shout out for the wonders of coffee? The stuff is great! My shelves remain stocked with all kinds of coffee beans thanks to family and friends who encourage my habit. I even have a few different devices for preparing my coffee just the way I like it: a grinder, a french press, a cappuccino maker, and a good old fashioned drip style maker. People who know me know that I always have time for a chat over a hot cup o’ joe.

a treasured gift from a precious friend

When Kaitlynn came home we immediately started in with English. Ever eager to learn she repeated everything like a parrot. The other night she said her first English word on her own initiative. What did she say? So glad you asked. “Lub-oo,” she said as we went through our bedtime routine. For those that are rusty in toddler talk that is: love you. My heart just melted away!

Well, this morning came the second English word of her own accord. This time she saw me sit down with my steamy mug and cheerfully pronounced, “Coffee!” Made me laugh out loud with sheer joy! Oh yes, I indoctrinate them young around here. So far all my girls love the stuff. The boys won’t touch it, neither will my man.

We shall conclude this caffeinated essay with my favorite coffee quote:

Faith without coffee is dead.

What are your feelings towards coffee?

Did you think I had forgotten about my rock collection? Some rocks are shiny and pretty. Others have mesmerizing coloring. This particular bit broke off from bedrock. It is a foundation piece and as I pull it out to show it to you I am reminded of who we are and why we are here.

View from my front porch as I thought about these things this morning

“She is completely changed,” were the words of the social worker upon dispensing with the greeting ritual. She watched my daughter climb from one lap to the other happily playing with her new family. Notes and comments were made about everything from Kaitlynn’s countenance to her behavior and disposition and even her skin. Deep changes had taken place quickly. Just shy of two weeks and a formerly familiar face was a welcome, new stranger in this little two-year-old’s home. Kaitlynn could not even recall the name of this woman who she used to be with quite regularly for over a year.  The pleased social worker was sure she wouldn’t need to come back for a second visit after observing for less than half an hour.

Kaitlynn has been affected. She is not the only one changing, though. As she has assumed a new name, begun speaking differently, and adapted to a new way of life we have also been affected. This exchange of change has not been without it’s challenges, yet other things have taken place without deliberation and almost effortlessly. Transference to and fro taking place in our home is a micro-unit displaying what happens on the mission field.

A missionary comes from a different lifestyle. Because the adult is far less adept at change the adaptation is arduous at best. Disciplining the tongue, training the digestive tract, forcing the new rhythms of living to become natural requires intensive dedication. All the while the man, woman or family changes. They are adopted into the country. As they absorb the culture the culture also becomes tainted by their lives. Truths are introduced, forever changing the eternity of the people. The affected in turn becomes effective. This melding, meshing and mixing is a beautiful thing.

The view from the other side just moments after the first picture

Today, I revel in the marvel of the merging our seven lives. I am also grateful that God has placed me in the nation of Bolivia to become affected by the culture. I have been affected to be effective.

If you liked this article you might like:

“Acquainted”

The “Culture Collection” archive

Deliberately. Intentionally. Unequivocally. Quite simply, I am Mama.

Five little ones (well, two are little, two are medium and one is now just an inch shorter than me so she is a big kid) have the privilege of calling me mama. I have discovered, as well, that the benefit is reciprocal because I am honored to be called mama. I did not conceptualize how deeply I treasure this title until I was denied the sweetness by one of my own.

Truth: Kaitlynn lived from one year old to two years old in a home where here dear caregivers were affectionately referred to as Aunt (Tia).

Truth: I am now Kaitlynn’s primary caregiver.

Truth: In her mind, and more importantly her mouth, I am more often than not referred to as Aunt.

Truth: I didn’t think it would bug me, but it has.

Truth: I just gotta deal with it. So I am. With a smile, nonetheless… most of the time.

We are super blessed to have a very verbal child. I know she will get it. I really can’t complain about it. I wasn’t even going to post about it until another odd thing in the name department came up. The first time it happened I thought the other person was just weird. (Forgive me.) Then when it happened a second and third time in very distinct settings I had to chalk it up to just another thing in the Bolivian cultural that shocked my system.

People greet me. They greet my daughter. They do their coo-coo cutie cute noises and then they start to converse with the girl. First question while pointing to me: Who is this? She answers: Mama. (Yeah!) Second question: What is her name? She answers: Mama. (Double yeah!) They respond: No, not mama, what is her name? She answers: Mama. I give the person who wants to “teach” my child the correct answer a funny look and quickly change the topic.

Is this normal? Am I the weird one? Are they doing this because I am not her birth mother so they want her to call me by my given name? Is this a practice that they do with Bolivian mothers who have Bolivian 2 year olds? Help me out here!

Personally, I cannot see myself expecting a 2 year old child to know the names of their mom and dad. As a side note, they don’t do this with DaRonn when he is holding her and talking with others. Then, the fact that she has been in our home for less than a week, added to the annoying title of Aunt that she calls me most times I feel like I want to walk around with a sticker proudly plastered to my chest in Spanish that says: Hi, My Name is Mama. That might be taking it a bit too far, though, eh? That might border on the offensive just a tad, right?

So, I should probably hide the treacherous Sharpie marker, bite my lip and force a grin. Patience, lady, patience.

In other name news we were sooooooo happy to hear her telling people at church yesterday that her name is Kaitlynn. Bless her! She is working really hard. I am so very proud of her.

Signed:

(Feel free to skip to the video at the bottom if you haven’t watched it on facebook or youtube yet. I mainly wanted to capture these initial thoughts, feelings and observations during the changes taking place in my life right now. I get a bit wordy.)

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Finally we saw some real tears today.

Backing up a tad to the visitation days. It was a funny frustration, but still unnerving, to think of this child as my own, yet to never have seen her use the bathroom. Silly, I know! Still, it was not until the third day that I saw her use her little potty seat. It was a gratifying moment, to say the least.

Now back to today. Aside from the bathroom thing the other thing eating at me was that I had never seen her cry. Sure, her lip quivered a couple times and she winced and whined at a few things. And I should have been completely grateful that we had heard her laugh more than once. Which, by the way, a child’s laugh is the most wonderful sound in the world. The caregivers told me that she was a brave child. I get that. Still, I wanted to experience tears with her.

Today that happened, more than once.

The first time was when I had to tell her no. The tension had been building and the limits were being tested. A new house with new things means learning the barriers. The tears on her cheeks wet an angry face. She is the strong silent type. No wailing, not a peep, just the death stare and tears.

The second time was a double whammy of wills clashing and possibly fear of abandonment. It happened quickly. I had been complying all day every time she wanted to be held, which was about 75% of the time. The evening was upon us and I needed to tend to some other people in the house. I did the unthinkable and put her down off my lap and outright ignored the lifted arms as I turned my back and walked away from her. Then came the music to my ears. She cried! This was the tears and the audible crying out. It broke my heart and soothed it at the same time. Please understand that I am not reveling in the pain I knowingly inflicted. I am just glad that we are getting to see a new part of her personality. We are getting to know each other. The beautiful thing that followed was that Gabrielle found an opportunity to create a connection with her little sister, a connection that has been slow in coming. The older asked me if she might help the younger. I said she was more than welcome to. Gabrielle offered her arms and a reluctant yet desperate two-year-old Kaitlynn found her way over to comfort. The next half hour the two cuddled, played and cuddled some more. It was precious.

The third and final bout came at bath time. I was so excited to introduce my daughter to the joys of rubber duckies in a nice warm bath. It was all too new and quite frankly terrifying. I watched her eyes grow big as we started filling the tub. Then I pulled her to my lap and took off the first shoe. A scream, a jump, and she was letting it rip as she clung to my neck. The wonderful thing of it all was that she felt safe enough to cry. I let her cry it out as I continued to gently prepare her to enter the water. She is complacent so we didn’t have a hissy fit to deal with. She was just genuinely scared and seeking safety. Even as her tiny feet found firmness on the floor of the tub and the water lapped at her calves she was trying to suck in her lip to stop the crying. I let her stand and watch me play with the ducks. She found the courage to reach down and splash a little. I asked her if she wanted to sit down. She said, “Si.” Then she actually had fun! I could hardly get her out. Then all through Tyler’s bath she tried to climb back in the water.

You know, I think God wants us to feel safe enough to cry when we are with him. I think that He is just strong and confident enough to not get his feelings hurt if we let our angry tears show when we are mad at Him. I think that He wants to know our insecurities so that He can direct us to the loving arms that will hold us, even when they come from an unexpected source. I think He wants us to be honest in our emotional display with Him when we are terrified to do something that we know He is going to have us do, and that He will help us to do regardless of how we cry and cling to Him hoping He doesn’t make us face our fears.

The tears Kaitlynn cried today showed me that she is letting her guard down and we are getting to know each other. So many other things happened this Bolivian Mother’s Day, good things, fun things, heart warming things, exciting things, hard things, surprising things, etc. I am so just thrilled to share this important milestone and write it for posterity.

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Now, the promised video. It is four minutes long and shows both video and images of our time with Kaitlynn thus far set to music. Enjoy!

Click here to view the embedded video.

She’s home!

We grabbed a cab to avoid the horrendous parking downtown. Instead of waiting in gridlock we decided to scuttle our kids along the last two blocks. Leaping over excrement and weaving through the sidewalks crowded by vendors, students, beggars and businessmen we made it to the elevators with three minutes to spare. We got to the front of the line to ride up and crammed our kids into the little box. Pushing the button didn’t work. Two gracious gentlemen decided to wait for the next lift and got off allowing the doors to close so we could get to our floor.

Kaitlynn, the social worker, the child defenses representative and our lawyer were already there waiting. It would be another antsy, hall pacing twenty minutes until they called us back to the judges chambers. Our family, now seven strong, turned quite a few heads this day. The Washingtons all sat on the little couches along the wall. The two littlest on the laps of the parents. The three big ones listening intently to the proceedings. Squinched up faces and giggles were discreetly dismissed with a gentle grin and raised eye brows from mama as their precious names were mispronounced by the clerk more than once. The judge gave her approval and dismissed us all. Much happiness and congratulations ensued.

We were given permission to bring Kaitlynn home!

The Washingtons, seven strong, with our lawyer in front of the courthouse on Kaitlynn's gotcha day, May 26, 2010

Gathering up our kids, all five of them, we followed our lawyer to her office a couple blocks from the courthouse. She explained the following steps. There will be quite a few people visiting our home in the next two weeks to monitor our bonding and make reports. Then we will make arrangements for the final court hearing and sentence of an official adoption. This could take up until August. No matter. She is home!

The lawyer is helping us all the way through all these steps, including the issuance of the new birth certificate with the name we have chosen for her. This was a pleasant surprise for us to know that the name change is taking place right now. She had us write the name clearly, since it is foreign.

After that little meeting was done we went out to the street to flag down a cab. Raimy and Gabrielle in the front seat, Kaitlynn on Papas lap, Tyler on mine and Timothy squished between us.

First order of business at home: a quick tour. Then she was hungry! The social worker said she hadn’t touched her food at lunch because she wanted to see her papa and mama. Gabrielle and her made a game of eating. Then we spent the rest of the afternoon and evening playing, hanging out, talking and trying to help her get used to her new name. We also started speaking English along with the Spanish. Tone carries alot of weight so it seems to be working well. She even is repeating some of the English with a eagerness to learn.

Chicken and Rice, yum.

Tyler and Timothy were happy to see she likes Legos.

Only twice did she try to eat the crayons. She is a very reasonable child.

Getting ready for bed was easy. Getting into bed was another story. Bed was unwanted, made clear by the quivering lip. I didn’t want to force anything. So there was singing, and rocking, and cuddling in her blankets on my part. Then beloved papa walked with his youngest laying her head on his shoulder into the bedroom to lay her down. No nap and an emotionally charged day makes for a tired two year old.

Photo by Raimy

Our first time checking in on our sleeping baby girl. Good thing we did! Adjustments quickly followed the photo, no worries.

Her first sleep at home... so sweet.

I am very curious what waking up will be like tomorrow morning, May 27th, which happens to be the Bolivian Mother’s Day. Should be fun! What a nice gift I got.

Quotes from the day…

Timothy: Tomorrow is an exciting day. Not only because of mother’s day but because Kaitlynn will wake up here and I wonder if she will run to find someone to hug.

Raimy: Mama, I just remembered that we adopted Kaitlynn! I thought that she had been with us from the very beginning.

Tyler: Oh Kaitlynn! She so tute!

Gabrielle: She can call me Gabriela for now and then Gabrielle later.

I am going to go check on her one last time before I put my tired but happy head to bed.

The day is still waking up as are my little ones. I tossed and turned all night in happy expectation mixed with other emotions. 5:30 I was out of bed in the chilly, dark house. DaRonn had done the same long before me. So I made bread pudding for breakfast.

Words are failing me. I am going to have to get the kids ready for school shortly as well. So I will just post some pics of our final day of prep and visitation at the orphanage. Oh, and in case you are just joining me in this wonderful story, today we bring our daughter Kaitlynn home! 3:00 is our appointment with the judge. I am praying that it all goes well.

Tyler's transition to the big boy bed went very smoothly. He slept fine last night, his first night. I am so proud of him.

This is the bed he handed down. She is going to love it! Come on home baby...

This was the bag that came with us to all our visits. Essentials: doll, blanket, comb, water, club crackers, camera, and lip gloss (a fave).

These three little pretties were lovingly called "the triplets" at the Home for about a year until true triplets arrived at the Home. The true triplets are 3 mo. old and soooo cute. These three pictured here are about the same age and came on the same day. This pic was taken yesterday (5 - 25 - 10).

This pic was taken 2-09 during their first days at the Home. They were all about a year old. They are the best of friends.

On a Red Rider trike with a Sock Monkey shirt, pig-tails and a contented smile. How can I be so blessed?!

At the birthday party of every new week we don our party clothes and gather for the celebration of the One who created the day. Just as a party is more than the venue church is more than the locale. The people make the church just like the people make the party.

Today, Pentecost Sunday, is considered the birth of the church. It is the day we remember when the Holy Spirit showed up and the people began to do what God has designed for them to do: live in love lived out loud. You know how some people bring the party with them? That is what happened on that wonderful day so long ago; the Holy Spirit brought the party with Him.

I was slightly concerned by how our Kaitlynn would respond to the life of an MK and a PK. I had nothing to be worried about! This little lady was born for this. You should have seen her getting her greet on this morning as she worked the crowd: so happy, so confident, just shining! She smiled and played with the people sitting behind us. She gave kisses to anyone who said hello. She was saying Hola to everyone. She wasn’t the least bit shy; quite the contrary, she was soaking up the attention and turned on the cuteness. It was a real treat to watch.

We are so grateful to be friends with the orphanage director. She is a strong Christian lady who attends the International Church here in town. She was gracious enough to duck out of her service early today and bring Kaitlynn to church at our service (just a few blocks away). I cannot tell you how thankful I am that she has been so accommodating during this extended visitation period. To leave the Home Kaitlynn must be accompanied by a worker. She stepped in and was that worker this morning. So wonderful!

Here is a shot of Kaitlynn with Jennifer. I think this will be a treasured picture for Kaitlynn when she is old enough to understand the privilege of being able to spend 15 months of her life under the excellent care of this lovely woman.

Sunday, May 23, 2010. Timothy was off to the side making faces at her; that is where the smile and the diverted gaze come from.

Jennifer blogs about the orphanage: Homes of Love

A volunteer at her home named Savannah also blogs about Homes of Love: Southern Living – in Cochabamba

We met our Kaitlynn a week and a day ago. It has been so good to get to know her. Little by little she has been opening up so we can see who she really is. Just today DaRonn and I sat in the common dining room while all the children were happily eating, just as we had done not so many days before. My what a difference! The first lunch we sat in on she wouldn’t touch her food, wouldn’t look up from the table, and had a quivering lip a few times as we sat next to her at her little table. Today she was chatty, fed herself very well, played the making faces game with me and was just plain fine.

I am so ready to have her home with us!

Such cutie pies!

Yum! Soup!

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We are making the transition with Tyler to a big boy bed. Turns out Kaitlynn still sleeps in a crib at the Home. So we are gradually graduating Tyler out of his crib and to a single bed. He oscillates between glad to be grown up and still wanting to be the baby. We have even had a bit of deliberate baby talk. Hey, I get it. things are changing. We are all coping with it in our own ways. If you are looking for the thrill of your life jump on board the emotional roller coaster here at the Washington house. It’s a blast, I tell ya!

Tyler’s switch is the last bit of prep we have to do. Below I have placed some pics of gifts from various people helping to get the home ready for Kaitlynn’s gotcha day.

Tyler's bed in the new location and a pile of toys just waiting

She is a good eater so I am sure she will have fun with this place setting

Would you believe that my two dear friends, Denise and Laura, went shopping FOR me? They are incredible! Knowing my adverse feelings to the practice they offered to stock my little girl's shelves. I jumped at the suggestion. Little girl clothes are just so cute! Thanks Laura and Denise!

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It seems that the sibling sharing has begun already. Tyler has had a tummy bug and fever today, most likely graciously given to him by his little sister. If you wouldn’t mind praying, yet again, Tyler and I would be very grateful.

Once again I would like to reiterate that I am so blessed to have you following our journey. Knowing that you, yes you, are here with us in all this is a comfort and increases my joy. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.