Pick a Card

Any card?

Without carrying this analogy too far, a handful of cards splayed before me begs me to pick. Unlike the usual way a card trick starts, though, the cards show face up. I know the choices, now I just gotta pick.

I do not believe life is a cosmic joke. I feel we have a say in our destinies. I believe very strongly that God wants good things for our lives, yet He chooses to allow humanity the dignity of decision.

So, back to the cards. Choices.

I feel a pressure of time and expectations urging me to place my efforts in a decided direction. A pull in me towards focus and dedication restrain my ability to ‘just go with it’. I see too many outcomes.

Yet, I don’t see clearly enough to proclaim one path the austere Right and all the others a fatal Wrong. Pride associated with making the Good or Right decision vanishes. Guilt piled on by making the Bad or Wrong decision dissipates. When I remove from the equation the Good and the Bad, the Right and the Wrong,  I find freedom. All that remains is the Choice.

Prayer? Of course, much has been made, and continues.

Advice? Sought and accepted, mind still open.

The options.

I desire to focus my resources, talents, time, and energy. I want to do what I do well. The thought of spreading myself between a number of projects exhausts me. I can see myself doing well in any of the following areas. (Listed in alphabetical order.)

A. The church.

B. Homemaking.

C. The orphanage.

D. Writing.

All of the above? No. Change nothing and ignore the urge to focus? Nope, not gonna happen.

How to choose?

X. I could go with the choice of happiness and do what makes me feel good. [Pleasure]

Y. The most familiar pattern of choice comes from a place of duty and obligation. [Responsibility]

Z. Listening to the suggestions from others could tell me what to do. [Community]

Can I do it all? Not so much. Little bits of effort in lots of areas frustrate me. I want to pour myself into somethingAt least, at this season in my life. There may come a day I can ‘just go with it'; not now, though.

I understand the luxury of even being able to choose what to do. Not everyone in the world has this privilege. This gives me more cause for pause, I do not wish to squander this honor.

Pick a card, any card.

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What do you do when you find yourself at a critical point of decision? Who councils you when things become unclear? What would you choose if you were me?

Comments

  1. I don’t know if I can offer much advice as I have always marveled at your ability to keep so many balls in the air. I have a much simpler life, decidedly. I have my family which is much smaller than yours and I do not know how people with larger families still are able to get each kid involved in different activities and get them there. I value my slow pace. Sometimes getting my 1 kid to her 1 piano lesson a week feels draining to me. I work out of necessity but have chosen and been blessed with a low-stress job with great set hours. The work does not seep into my personal life. Although I help out with my brother I wouldn’t have it any other way and he is not a burden (but does add 2 days of activities I drive him to). My art is what suffers, I wish I had time to dedicate. I really should make time, but can’t figure that out. I always wondered how you made regular time to blog in you schedule. But maybe one aspect of help I can offer is that I bounce thoughts off those closest to me (husband and mom and friends and sisters) and I listed to how my own voice echoes back and what sounds better, not necessarily what the other person responds as. Also, something that gives you joy and you have a passion for, remember there is a reason you feel that way. Responsibilities may sound like what you’re supposed to do but they can be shifted to others, usually. Follow your heart.

    • Thank you for your thoughts, Emily. That is funny to me that you would say that my responsibilities can be shifted to others. Usually I am that ‘others’ you refer to. I sometimes feel like if I don’t do it then it won’t get done. Follow my heart… good advice. Thank you.

  2. So when I look at this list I think you could dedicate yourself to each of these tasks, but in a routine/orderly way. Setting up a routine schedule that allows you one afternoon a week at the orphanage, one day writing, an hour here and there for homemaking, etc. would help you feel like you’re getting plenty of things done. Of course the unexpected will come up from time to time, but just hit the restart button and go back to the routine. Keeping lists for each area of focus might be necessary so you don’t forget what you need to do when that dedicated time arrives.

    If you need help with getting a household routine, I recommend Flylady – http://www.flylady.net. She’s got an awesome plan for those of us who’d rather do anything but keep up house (not saying that’s you…just sayin’ in general!!). I love her positive self-messages too! FLYing means Finally Loving Yourself!! We all need a bit more of that in our lives!!

    Big hugs! Will pray the good Lord gives you clarity of where you’re truly needed for this season! Seek His face and He will guide you!! The good news is there is no bad choices here!!

    • Yes, I understand the idea of regulating my time to be able to accomplish things. I feel like, though, that switching gears so often gives me a shallow result in all the areas. The reason I feel that way is because my creative mental process is not dedicated, it is split. So everything gets a minimal amount of my creative energies. If I were to choose one or two things to focus my energies on then I can relax and let my being remain always in the flow of that focus. I know this because I have been operating in juggling mode for quite a while and I am feeling tired of it.

      Thanks for the link. She seems like a gal who can provide lots of good practical tips. And, you guessed right, I am NOT gifted in the housekeeping area. Love ya, Livvy Lu!

  3. Angie, I have a very hard time ever picking just one. Even if you ask me what my favorite color is, or what my favorite book is, or favorite Bible verse…I can’t pick just one. Just as I can’t (or don’t want to) pick one thing to focus the majority of my energy on. I like to have different projects going at once, though there are times when I really zero in on one thing over the others.

    If I felt I had to choose just one from your list of four, I would choose homemaking. I say this because it is the most fulfilling personally and because I believe that home and family come second only to God. For me as a wife and mother, my home is my primary mission field, my family my most important ministry.

    When it comes to making decisions, of course seeking God is at the top of the list. I will also often seek my husband’s advice/opinion/will (at times it is what he wants me to do that is the deciding factor), then I will seek the advice of trusted friends and/or family members. Sometimes just bouncing ideas back and forth with someone I can relate to is just what I need to help me make a decision.

    Love you, Amiga!

    • Becky, I appreciate it when my husband speaks up while I am in decision making mode. He tends to see things in a broader spectrum than I do. I tend to get tunnel vision and get stuck circling around one solution that seems inadequate. He’s good at seeing options.

      I love you too, Amiguita!

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