Nervous Every Time

Know what?

I know for certain one of the reasons I was put on this earth was to teach. I know it deep in my bones.

Know what else?

I feel the most alive when I am imparting truth and encouragement into others through the wonder of words.

You wanna know something more?

I get nervous.

Every.

Time.

Every time I sit with my fingers on the keys to research, compose, and write I draw my breath short and shake. My heart beats just a little bit faster and I exhale an excited, “Let’s do this.” I get nervous.

Every time I pace the floor reading through an outline, practicing pronunciation, and planning timing of delivery my mind whispers self talk to be calm and stay steady. I get nervous.

Every time I walk those steps from the seat to the stage I plea a prayer of desperation and wipe a film of sweat from my palms before grasping the microphone. The smile is a nervous one.

Every time.

And you know what?

I love it.

Every.

Time.

The thrill of being on for the minutes allotted to me. The rush of knowing that through my mouth, my hands, my laugh, my being the very essence of God flows from me to you. The zing of a will timed joke. The power of a well timed pause.

Oh, and the very best part? The moment I wish I could bottle up and take a whiff of to empower me when the woes of the world weigh on my shoulders?

The ah-ha! look on the faces of those who came in hopeless and will leave infused with hope, the hurting heart pieced together by the hand of the healer, the confused finding clarity.

So let the hands shake. Let the smile twitch just ever so much. Let the heart beat a million miles a minute.

I put my confidence in you, my Lord.

Infuse me with conviction until it oozes out of me.

Let the words of my lips and content of my heart be pleasing to you, oh my God!

Tagged as: favorite things, God thoughts, missionary, passion, training