Last Hours of 2009

We are wrapping up the year, and what a year it has been!

Looking forward and Looking back

Amidst these tumultuous days called 2009 a quote has brought my mind comfort.

“The deep fear behind every loss is that we have been abandoned by the God who should have saved us. The transforming moment in Christian conversion comes when we realize that even God has left us. We then discover it was not God, but our image of God that abandoned us…. Only then is change possible.” Craig Barnes

I am sure that for ages on end these same perplexing situations have existed. Alongside the questions one must only trust that God is trustworthy. Change is possible, but, dang, it is also hard and uncomfortable. My list of ‘Why?’s regarding instances this year is longer than ever. Sickness, death, divorce, abandonment, depression, rejection, debt, and a slew of other dark things have clouded my hope. It may be that I am allowing myself to see these for the first time and that is while I am so affected by them. Like the opening of a door to the bright outside light after hours in a dark room. It pains me to see these things.

The end of the year is here. I have been reflecting about the goals that I made in the beginning. Truth be told I am scoffing at myself. I knew that things would not turn out the way I planned exactly. Though, I did not expect such deviance from the sketchy outline I had.

The one redeeming thing has been the surprises. A longer list of amazing things happened to which I can only give God thanks. His love, provision, networking, wisdom, friendship, strength, healing, rescue and newness are nearly inexplicable. These things I hoped for, but only as I hoped for the sovereign hand of God to work in the midst of frustrating circumstances.

That is where this verse rings true to the depths of my being:

I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Psalm 27:13

His goodness has been seen with my eyes.

I have not decided yet if I will make goals for 2010 like I did for 2009.

Here is a wrap up of my goals for this year:

1. Finish reading the Bible in Spanish. Of the 66 books I have read 46 1/2. That means I have 19 1/2 left to read. Personal evaluation: mediocre.

2. Finish the adoption process that was started in December of 2008. We are now into our second year of proceedings. Projected end: I don’t even want to guess. Personal evaluation: I did the best I could.

3. Write more. Check! Personal evaluation: extremely content.

Overall, I am grateful for what has gone on in 2009. While I have a feeling that 2010 is going to be even more interesting I am still hopeful. To God be all the glory!